Thinking Back....Moving Forward

Babbbbbbbyyyyy this is going to be good with your glasses and bonnet on!

(If you have ever went out to dinner with me, you know I won't eat all my food. For some reason it tastes so much better when I'm home, relaxed, in my glasses and bonnet. Lol)

Now let's begin...

Would you believe that after I wrote "My un-love story" I HAVEN'T CRIED ONE TEAR"? I have to be honest, I'm surprised by that. It was literally like one day I was crying and two days later he was no longer able to rent space in my head all day. A good friend of mine told me, "Here is what you do, you pray and ask the Lord to remove the heartbreak if he is not supposed to be your husband" I did just that and the Lord heard by cry. Did you know that the Lord wants to hear your requests? Did you know that sometimes all you have to do is ask? Did you know that he loves you so much, that even after you put yourself in a situation he is willing to rescue you?

For some reason I believe that people think that if you end a relationship with someone that your feelings go away immediately. Or they believe that the hurt that they have caused makes it easier to "get over them". Can I break that myth? The hurt doesn't make it easier, nor does the thoughts and plans that you had with that person immediately go away. It's actually the opposite! You start to replay everything that happens, you start to get an understanding of the red flags that you thought you saw but put it in the back of your mind. Can I tell you something? I can remember so clearly thinking that God could not be right this time, this man was changing and I was going to prove it. Tell the truth.... you ever thought "God imma prove you wrong"? lol we are such silly rabbits sometimes *face smack* I thought that he was my knight in shining armor. Only to find out that I was an easy target. Yup, easy target! How, you ask? All I knew about this man was that we went to college together, he was always nice to me and I knew he went to church. But after only socializing for 15 years via likes and comments on social media I now know that everyone in the small area he lived in knew about his ways.  So dating me he could be who he wanted to be, because I was not from that area.

So what is the process of healing? Some people need to talk it out and go over it out loud. Some people need to just be silent and process their thoughts internally. I don't believe that there is a simple answer. I have had a few heartbreaks in my life (Chile, that's a whole other blog). But I have learned a few things along the way.

1. Do your best not to harden your heart. It's easy to say that "all men are dogs" and "there are no good men". Please know that your words have power. There is life and death in the power of the tongue. So be careful what words you say. Then let's make it make sense...... you mean to tell me that all of the million's of men in this world that NONE of them are good? I can't and I won't believe that! God is too good of a creator to make all the men trash lol! 

2. Do not lower your standards. Decide what you want and are willing to deal with and STICK TO IT! In my opinion, this may be the hardest one to grasp. (Let me see if I can put this thought in words.) We sometimes are willing to do almost anything and everything to keep a man. All in the name of "I love him". But please know that there is someone out here who wants the same things you want. There is someone who is willing and waiting to give you the world. There is someone out here that wants to put a smile on your face. You are someone's prayer waiting to be answered. 

3. Your history has prepared you for your destiny. Tanisha what are you talking about?? Let me tell you! I want you to know that everything that you have been though has made you ready for what your future will be. These "failed" relationships were just stepping stones for your future Mr. Right.

4. Perfection does not exist. However, that doesn't mean that you have to deal with repeated foolishness. If no one has told you let me make this plain and simple. PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO. You don't have to beg a man to do anything!!!! I'll say it again, you do not have to beg a man to do anything!!!! You can take that to the bank baby! If something is important to you, it should be important to your partner. 

5. Toxic relationships are not normal. Don't get accustomed to arguments everyday, and going for 'the jugular' every single argument. No matter how the celebrities make that foolishness seem normal, it's not. Going to social media arguing and fighting, not normal. Emasculating a man is not cute and never will be, just an FYI.

In my opinion, every relationship or datingship or courtship (which you choose to identify with) has taught me some thing. I've learned what I will and will not take in a relationship. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to be someone's WIFE. I don't want to be anyone's forever girlfriend (if you do, that's your standard and I'm not knocking it). This is your journey and you get to choose who is on it with you and what roles they will play. 

What are some things that you learned while healing and after the healing process was complete?

Love ya,

Tanisha T. 

IG: @IamTanishaT

IG: @agirlthatdoesboth