My UN-love Story

Let me start with a few disclaimers. 

1. I am normally a very private person when it comes to my love life, however, I made my relationship with my ex (let's keep his name out of it) public. My heartbreak included into the public light.

2. This is MY version of this un-love story. (But if you know me, you know I am a lot of things but I'm not a liar).

3. I am not a serial relationship-er and I was not in a fully committed relationship in 10 years. I don't just date anyone and I HAVE NEVER put my love on social media for public display. (so you know I thought he was IT.)

4. Writing my thoughts about this relationship has become therapeutic in my healing journey.

I simply want to share my story to hopefully encourage another woman that you deserve real love and don't settle for anything less. Also to let you know that your obedience to God is thee most important thing that should be done. I want you to know that if you would have told me that my relationship would end like this, I would have thought you were crazy. This is a man I thought I was going to marry. I thought that I would not have to go through the whole "getting to know someone" thing all over again. 

Here is my truth, the man I loved was not the man he claimed to be. He was the person I was going to marry. He tried hard to be who he portrayed himself, but he just couldn't get it together. Please don't get me wrong, this is not a bash session, this is a WOKE moment. I've shared moments and memories with this man. I shared a bond with this man. I shared my child and he shared his children with me. I met his family (which I enjoyed most of them) and he met and bonded with mine. We even met each others pastors. My thoughts were to build a family. So my relationship was not ALL bad. We have shared many photos, videos, talks, vacations, birthdays, laughs, dinners, dates, prayers, praises etc and even an anniversary!

From my perception, the first 8 months everything was going as planned. We talked all day everyday, and when we weren't talking, we were texting. The love was there, however, the betrayal was lurking nearby. You know the saying, "hindsight is 20/20" well that was so true. Here is another one "ignorance is bliss" also very true. Around month 8, right after an amazing vacation, my world came crumbling down. I got an inbox from a woman who told me that her friend was sleeping with my man!! Yup, shocked, unbelievable and even when he was approached about it he had a legitimate excuse to why this friend was "trying to ruin his relationship." But if you truly know my past, you would know that with my sons' father I let things go and didn't investigate what was clearly happening. I used to think "man, if I would have just answered the phone when she called" I would have known waaaaayyyyyyy before. That taught me a valuable lesson..... ANYWAY back to this man. It was literally 2 days before his birthday, I had planned the whole weekend out. Included his family, kids, his friends, my friends EVERYONE was going to celebrate my man. Well I was wrong, I made it my business to find out who this girl was lying saying she had slept with my man. Well she wasn't lying, and I called him and he confessed. Birthday weekend CANCELLED. But that was just the beginning of this eye opening journey.

He expressed his regret and hurt and he was determined to get me back and to continue on this love journey. Funny part is, during the first 8 months, I kept telling him something is missing and he was not putting in 100%. He assured me that he was all in and whatever he needed to do to show that, he was willing.

Fast forward to month 10, I was at his house and 1am he gets a call from a woman. Let me make you laugh, I told him to answer the phone thinking it was his daughter (they had the same kind of name). Only to find out that it was another woman who had no clue that he was in a relationship and was very upset with him. He claimed that is the mist of the cheating drama he was sure I wouldn't take him back and that he said he would go out on a date with her, because she wanted to take him out for his birthday. But he later thought about it and declined the date. Now, why this girl was so upset from a "declined date" I'm not sure. But that's his story and he is sticking to it. lol

So the month of August, we decided to spend some time in God's face and figure out what we wanted to do with this relationship and figure out what the Lord was saying concerning it.....Here's what he doesn't know to this day! A prophet spoke to me and warned me that he was still not being honest and to walk away. (I should have obeyed God, right?) Nope, I loved this man, so I went to the Lord and petitioned on his behalf hoping he would change his mind. Did you know that delayed disobedience is still disobedience?

Here comes September and we begin working on and building trust back up. So that means phone ringer is on, phone is in the open, etc..... you know, all the things that should be done when trust is broken and this is what it would take to build the trust back. But I had also made him fully aware, that if he was not doing right he would get exposed. It was my prayer and I’d like to think that the Lord loves me so much that he would never want to see me hurt.

October is here and it's time to celebrate our 1 year anniversary!! Yay! Amazing weekend getaway, we profess our love and all the obstacles we have made it through. There were tears, laughs, smiles, food feeding, hand holding, words of affirmation, pure love, and lots of hope!!! WE MADE IT THROUGH THE ROUGH PARTS!!! We are back on cloud 9......or so I thought.

November comes, it's homecoming time #HawkPride. So I go to spend time with my man and go to my old stomping grounds. We are talking about buying houses, marriage is back on the table, fixing credit, moving closer to one another and BOOM he gets a text. Not looking through his phone (but we know the password to each others phone), the text just happened to show up while we were looking at something in his phone. Nothing bad just a "lol have a good weekend". Ok, cool, just one problem. What is she laughing at? All the other messages are gone. He couldn't explain what was so funny and he did not know where these messages mysteriously went. RED FLAG!!! So I kept it in the back on my mind and waited for the perfect opportunity to investigate. But what I found was him texting one of his clients saying "we can FaceTime as long as your naked" (YUP, the same look on your face right now is the same one I had)  The thoughts, the questions I had, the disbelief that after everything we went through, he would still choose to betray me again. No, it wasn't sex but inappropriate still. That was the final straw.....or so I thought.

Don't think I'm crazy, but the heart wants what the heart wants. We broke up in November, but I still had hope. (I know, I know, Tanisha let it go!) I had hoped that he would really get himself together. How do you tell someone you love them, that they are the best thing that happened to you, that you want to do life with them, you can't wait to marry them and then turn around and NOT change. YOU GOTTA MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. But what I had to come to terms with is that it won't make sense, because I was fully invested and he was not. I was willing do the work and he wasn't. After everything that happened, did I have an attitude at times, yes? Was I mean to him at times, yes? Was I petty at times, yes? But I still wanted to show him grace. I mean, Jesus shows me grace DAILY. 

Final straw, after months of minimal talking to each other, he contacts me on Valentine's Day and begins to text sweet nothings about his feelings towards me. Me, again, hoping he is actually working on himself, gets into a good conversation and he does let me know that he is not dating anyone, because I still have his heart. OHHHHHH but then on his social media (which while we were dating he did not post much and had every excuse why he could barely post us). Some female claiming that he is "all her's" just contradicted what he was saying the day before. I'M DONE!

Here is what I want you to know, I do not expect perfection, but I do have standards and I expect loyalty. Women who have set a standard and not willing to deal with repeated foolishness are often looked at as "non-forgiving" but how much is one to take when you keep showing us that you can't meet the simple requests. How long should someone continue to stick around and be mistreated, without any changed behavior? Am I perfect? Absolutely not, but I make it my business to love wholeheartedly and I am pure in my love and I'm fully invested. I don't take relationships lightly and I won't marry someone for the sake of saying I'm married.  I also want you to know that relationships are work and nothing comes easy, however, repeated disloyalty does not have to be tolerated. Do you think God wants you broken? Do you think that's what love is supposed to look like? Do you think that you are not worth more? I want to tell you that you are worth the wait, you are worth the consistency, you are worth flowers for no reason, you are worth the loving words, you are worth genuine love, you are worth truth out of the mouth of the person who says I LOVE YOU everyday, you are worth someone praying for you and with you, you are worth everything your heart desires. And until you get it, DO YOU BOO! Love them but love you MORE! Because you are worth it!

Women/Men in my opinion you should be with someone who wants to tell the world about you, not hide you or show you to the people they deem will keep their secrets. Love me out loud or don't love me at all!

Here is when the light switch lit up. Supa said it best. You broke my heart, but you can't keep it. (excuse the language in the video)

Love, 

Tanisha